I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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