Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
