I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
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