dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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