# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
