I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
