I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
