I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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