so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
