the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
