Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
