He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
