Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
