just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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