you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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