theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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