Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
