Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
