respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
you would pick up someone in the library
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
