Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
