if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
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