in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
