Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
