Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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