We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
