how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
