Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
