The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
