My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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