is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
