dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
