I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
