Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
