Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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