He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
How does one acquire holy water?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
