for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
