I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
