So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
