Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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