come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
how does that bad decision feel?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
