found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
