mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
