soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
