so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
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