He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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