ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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