Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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