basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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