then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
My bed smells like the plague
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