not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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