i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
